Despite having an understanding of the risks involved in dating married
men, a recent finding has shown that many young Nigerian ladies still
think it is far better than giving themselves to single men especially
when the latter are not yet ready for marriage.
A study by P.M.NEWS revealed that most Nigerian ladies have, at one
point or another, dated married men. Some have continued to even
maintain double relationships where they date a married man and keep
their relationships with younger male -bachelors.
Many of the ladies who spoke with their correspondent concerning the
issue, said they feel more comfortable dating married men than
bachelors. While some disclosed that they are dating married men because
of money, some said they engage in such relationships because of the
experience of the men who already have wives at home.
However, apart from these two reasons, P.M.NEWS spoke with two ladies
who said they were dating married men as revenge against their
boyfriends. Many of the ladies confessed that they had to stick with
married men because they have not found a man ready to marry them.
Toyin Adedamola, a 36-year-old resident of Oshodi area of Lagos, said dating a married man “is not a big deal.”
“I am old enough to marry, but where I don’t find the right man ready to
put me in his house as his wife, should I just remain like a
prisoner? As I am now, I don’t mind being a second wife as long as I am
comfortable and respected like a wife by the man,” she said.
Another respondent, who simply gave her name as Jumoke, confirmed that
she was dating a married man but added that she was not ready to be a
“I am dating one married man and we have been together for two years
now. He is ready to marry me, but I am not ready to be a second
wife. Experience has taught me that being a second wife would make you
fight for your life till death. So I told him I can’t be a second wife.
I am only with him till I find the right person to marry me,” she said.
A married woman, who refused to mention her name for safety reasons,
said that it is sometimes good to date a married man for experience.
“I dated a married man here in Ogun State before I got married. I
finally bade him bye two days to my wedding. I had a good time with him
all through the period we dated. I decided to date him so that I would
know how best to handle my husband.
I felt it would also help me to monitor my husband’s activities and keep
him from women. The man was actually encouraged to date a woman outside
because his wife made his home hell for him,” the pregnant 29-year-old
For Maureen, she dates a married man apart from two regular boyfriends.
While the married man pays most of her bills, she keeps the two
boyfriends pending when any of them would decide on marriage.
“I am getting to 30 years old and that is not funny. That’s why I have
the two guys. But for the married man, we both know we don’t have a
future together, but he pays my bills and assists in other areas.
I have been managing them. The married man knows I have another person,
but the two bachelors don’t know each other or whether I have a married
man,” she said.
For Eyitayo, dating a married man comes with risks, but she believes that in life, everything possess their own risks.
“There was this man I dated last year and his wife sent people after me.
I was beaten mercilessly and had to spend three weeks in the hospital,”
the 29-year-old petty trader said.
She admitted that she learnt her lesson since the mistake came from her.
“At a time, I couldn’t do anything without thinking of him. Moreover, he
was the one who rescued me and made me self-dependent. I always called
and chatted with him even though I knew it was risky. That was how his
wife knew and came after me.
Though I have left the man, I am in another relationship but this time,
the man’s wife is not in Lagos. The man lives alone and works here,” she